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Break-up

So I got dumped by Anthony. It wasn't even straightforward. He just stopped speaking to me. I have been so heartbroken for several days. He just never responded to my texts or calls. I guess that letter I mailed him was a bad idea. According to my therapist, next relationship, don't pour so much of myself into it so soon. Lesson learned.

Everyone is saying it is divine intervention. I'm just gonna hope so. When people leave your life, let them... They weren't meant to stay for a reason. Still doesn't lessen my heartbreak.

The Male Model

So Anthony has decided he wants to take modeling more seriously and has asked me to put him on to whatever casting calls for male models I come across. I have been doing so for a couple of weeks now... And Anthony got his first modeling gig! It is in November and it is for a private investigation firm that will use his pictures on various fake online dating profiles. It's to try and get women to be unfaithful to their partners. So, a whole day of taking pictures to reflect different seasons of the year is getting Anthony paid $800. I am slick jealous as hell.

It sucks to officially know I am the ugly one in the partnership. Now it is safe to say I'm dating a male model... Now I really have to tighten up concerning my looks 'cause I can't be dating such a gorgeous man and I look like shit myself!

The First Official Photo

Dated 10/4/14

The Irony Of My Luck

On Saturday I won two free VIP tickets to a Cinco De Mayo party occurring at Jungle Island. I went with Brian... And man, I would have been so mad if I had actually paid to attend that event! I found it to be rather garbage - aside from it taking place in a zoo and me getting to see a bunch of animals I wasn't impressed. Leave it up to me to win tickets to an alcohol-related event and I hate to drink.

At Cinco At The Jungle, I entered a raffle hosted by a radio station to get free tickets to go to the Playoffs... AND I WON! Leave it up to me to win free tickets to that type of event and I hate sports.

I swear, I am lucky until it comes to actually winning money or finding a good man to date.

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GRADUATION

I got my bachelor's degree in the mail on April 10 2014. My family was crying. I actually didn't although I thought I would.

Right now I just feel like shit because I feel like Dani doesn't like me as much as he used to. I feel like such shit. I am such a weak person deep down inside. It matters so much to me what people think of me. I want to be loved, liked, cherished, adored. I found a great gift to give to Dani for when I return to NY. I'm so excited to give it to him. I'm an absolute idiot I know.

Lo que no es querido siempre queda atrás

I made accounts on OKCupid and POF again and have made contact with some interesting boys. So far the one I like the most is named Cesar and he travels for a living. That is like my DREAM! But that's not going to come true for me :(

The PD job called me again today asking about my references again. Apparently they have been waiting for a reply from Claudia but she wasn't returning their calls at all. I was told they actually got in touch with the head of HR at my job. Yikes! I gave them Carlos Trueba's number and 3 other numbers. I am so sure they will hire me. They said this reference check is what is keeping them from "continuing the process"... Oh my gosh this job would absolutely turn the game around. I could potentially go to law school for free. And I could very well consider this to be an internship and not a job. Omg!!!

Kendra came back to Miami for a few days and I already saw her. We're trying to coordinate meet-ups with Monica and Andrea.

I am trying to get more into modeling but it just is not panning out for me. I want to do fetish modeling but it just never works out. I need money dammit! Especially when
September rolls around, I have to start paying back my student loans then. :(

Why must America punish young people for trying to make something of themselves? It's so unfair how the people who don't amount to shit live the good life. Here I am trying to make something out of myseld but a young thug has to pay back 50k to the US government.

All of my favorite songs are sad in nature. Would this make me a sad person?

I dreamed a dream

So even though I hate the number 13 this has been one of the most amazing beginnings I have ever experienced EVER in life!

I randomly started applying to modeling gigs just for the hell of it. And I can't believe the overwhelmingly positive response I have been getting. I have so many gigs that I have been booked for. It is astounding. 

Tomorrow I am going to get on an amino acid diet so I can drop a ton of weight quickly. I am so nervous but so excited at the same time!

Tears

 
 
If it's one thing I hate about myself, it's the fact that I cry a whole motherfucking lot. I cry when I feel overwhelming happy or adored. I cry when I feel like I will crush under the weight of the world. I cry when I feel intensely angry. I cry when I think about the misfortunes of others. 

I was so strong when I was younger. I remember in high school being tough as nails. As soon as I graduated my toughness left me. Everything draws me to tears now! I always prided myself on my emotional strength but I oftentimes feel like I have lost it. Or maybe I'm finally becoming more "human"? I have been accused of being emotionless and a robot one too many times. I do have feelings! I really try not to show my feelings because I hold to the belief that emotions cause problems more than solve them. But the older I get the harder it is to hide them...

NEW BLOG!!

So I made a Tumblr... I like it alright... I prefer Livejournal in terms of layout and shit still though... I still will update my Livejournal. This will be more of my diary; my Tumblr will be more about my feelings, thoughts, and opinions. But both blogs will include both things.

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Yeeeeee

So tomorrow I have a date with destiny. I'm so scared but at the same time so excited. I hope all goes well.

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